If I lose again there's nothing left to lose
So I bet again
Then lose

If I bet and lose this time
There's more than nothing left to lose
Broke legs
Nose smashed
The pain of not having
Financial insecurity
Love gone
My hobby obsession
My wife divorcing me
My son calling me bum
I bet again and lose

In the hospital, alone
Morphine drip
2 legs, one arm, 2 ribs broken
Putty proboscis
My house burned for insurance
My job gone from too much sick time
I contemplate:

If I bet and lose again
Civilizations devoured
Huge conflagration
Many species extinct
No air
The sound of screeching violins
Future of suffering
God forgets my name
I bet and lose again

This time I consider
I could bet, but if I lose
The world gone
I'm trapped in lifetimes of pain
Born in hell regions
Tormented
Choking, epilepsy, and asthma forever
If I lose again
No past
Nothing ever existed
No God
No enlightenment
Absolute blackhole without redemption
Not even the hope of the hope of hope
No such thing as children
Death without life
Eternal punishment
No vision
No senses
Agony at all hours
The replication of every sin
Bodhisattvas say, "forget it"
Decide there's no decrease in suffering possible
This time I think hard
If I bet and lose
This dismay is permanent
If I win, I'm even
So I bet
And lose
Again.
   

© 2000 Thomas J. Obrzut